Who am I? I am Kiley. I have a personal history of not loving my body and not feeling I’m worthy of the endless, unfathomable love that Jesus Christ has promised us in his death on the cross. I have a small number of friends who have shared with me privately they’ve struggled with eating disorders, along with myself. Through the course of these conversations I decided there has been enough struggling alone, and we need to form a community of women in healing, through the light of Jesus Christ.
Since middle school I’ve had a relationship with food and exercise that’s never been healthy. I’ve used what should be there to nourish and fuel my everyday to punish myself, and I let the way I feel about my body and how I look prevent me from living my life. There came a point in college when I was so fraught with anxiety over what I looked like and what I would eat that I turned down trips with friends, events, date parties, and I closed myself off so severely to friends and making connections that looking back, it’s miraculous I can even name one person who I would call a friend from that time in my life. I can remember distinctly getting a text on a Friday afternoon, “are you coming?”, and I wanted to go so badly. All my friends were leaving for the weekend to do a 5k and hang out in my friend’s home town. His sweet mother and father were hosting at their beautiful home, and I just couldn’t go. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to. I needed to stay home, stay in control, and not open the door for fear it would just slam in my face, so I responded, “I really can’t. I have to study this weekend.” I stayed home. I force fed myself whatever I had access to in a horrible cycle of self loathing and isolation. I binged because I hated myself, and I hated myself because I binged.
I am not a dietician or life coach. I’m not a nutritionist or therapist. I don’t have credentials or formal education in eating disorder recovery. I do have a passion for healing through Jesus, and I want to share that with women everywhere. I have a strong conviction in our faith as Catholics and a strong belief that His love and grace cannot be separated from the healing that pulls us out of disordered eating and any of the surrounding pain, suffering, and hurt. In my own journey, I’ve uncovered many near-complete sources of information, inspiration, and celebration. I’ve found corners of the internet and groups of friends blasting hard-hitting Gospel truth. I’ve found plenty of resources willing to share medical treatment or clinical insights. And, thirdly, I’ve found lots of what I call “woo girl” *~*Go0d*~*ViBe$*~* content painted with very sparkly affirmations. The problem with all these silos is that for my path back to wholeness, there was no integration or well-rounded approach to God, science, and self worth. What I want to create is a space for what’s helped me, what’s helped women I know, and how Jesus has called me to help you, with a nod to the charisms of wisdom, learning, and community.
These aren’t all the answers. I don’t have the answers. But it’s a start. It’s my whole hearted desire that every woman knows how greatly she’s loved, and for me to be a channel for that love while I'm here on earth.